Sleep Time
Isn’t sleep such a crazy thing?
Sometimes, when I think about it too hard, it almost feels frightening to know that I am so clocked out of life for a time, a short period in comparison to the waking hours, but influential nonetheless.
But the difference it makes. I’ve known this, in fact it’s inherent, that sleep is a very important thing for wellbeing. We may put it off for parties, for excitement, for work, for people. There’s a general attitude of neglect around sleep, ironic for our knowledge of its benefit, although we are this way about many things. It’s a kind of living in the moment thing, which can be good and harmful, depending on the activity and the dosage.
Point being, I know I feel wildly better in the day when I have slept enough or rested enough, and yet it seems to be the last thing on the list in my head, bumped to the bottom of the queue because it’s not active or productive, it’s not part of the to-do list. My mentality around this is a lot better now. Even in writing that sentence, I know I do not think this way anymore, resolving to improve sleep and seeing rest as integral to my happiness. Nevertheless, I still push it away or struggle in the act of it, stress sometimes refusing to give me the quality I need.
Today, for example, as I’m writing this, I felt incredible after a long night’s sleep, 11 hours of proper rest. The last few days have been rough, stress rising or my anxiety hyped up by a simple misbalance. I know this, have known this, but it doesn’t prevent my mind spinning. Neither does proper rest for one night, a simple remedy not being the panacea. Instead, it is a combination of things, a lifestyle change.
I don’t notice the lack of sleep until I rest properly. I feel much more optimistic, brighter, thoughtful and easy. It is impressive how much our mindset can be shifted by this one inactive activity.
The thing about sleep that scares me, when I really think about it, is the prospect of not-knowing. Being blissfully unaware, anything could be happening, things I’m missing, oddities of the nighttime. What if I never wake up? What if when my eyes close this is the last time? What if there is no tomorrow?
And this is the attitude that rises when I’m awake, wakeful, rested. In my greater sight of life, in my optimism, I see everything more clearly and do not worry about the small things, the inconsequential, the worries that tie me down on darker days. This is the nature of mood, of mood swings, which I have realised I struggle with more than I thought previously.
Today, I feel more open, less concerned with trying to fit in here or looking odd there, of expectations and what people think of me, seeing the truth of it and the greatness of who I am. For I know this, should know it more acutely, finding the joy in myself from the time I am absent.
Absence is not always a bad thing.